Lying at work

Apparently, Philip Schofield’s big error was lying to ITV and his colleagues which ‘let them down’. This has prompted moral outrage. Politicians lie, professionals lie and everyone lies. But why do we lie? Are we all in agreement that lying is bad? Is the moral compass clear on lying?

Have you ever said any of these things and not been telling the truth?

‘I am well, thank you’.

‘Of course, I love you’.

‘I am late because of traffic.’

‘I believe this product will meet your needs’.

Research says that both men and women lie  approximately a fifth of their social exchanges lasting 10 or more minutes. We deceive about 30 percent of people we meet. Women are more likely to tell altruistic lies to avoid hurting other people’s feelings, and men are more likely to lie about themselves. Men lie more and tell more black lies. They also tell self- oriented lies. There is high stake lying and low stake lying and the former means that you have to invest a lot into the story, its consistency and that means this complicated and high- stake untruth can cause mental strain and stress over time. Low stake lying is typically the more altruistic kind. There are links with narcissism too in the research and certain cultures may reinforce lying at work. If you believe in your lying ability and it is rewarded, you are more likely to be more confident and a prolific liar. How lies are judged depends on the context, person judging, the perceived intention and the consequence to others and self.

When do people lie to get out of work?

The most common lies include feeling sick (84%), family emergencies (65%), doctor’s appointment (60%), or lying about a family member’s death (31%)!

We lie because we want to save face, don’t want to hurt other people, to impress others, to cover up things we have done which are wrong, to keep the peace and to get out of something we don’t want to do and lots of other good reasons. Some ‘nice’ people lie because they struggle to say ‘No’ outright. ‘I am sorry I can’t come to your meeting (which I see as boring and unnecessary!)because I have another one to attend’, when really they just want to catch up on their administration.

Research says that we even give our kids mixed messages on lying. As adults, we prefer children who lie politely than those who tell the truth bluntly.  That said we trust those who tell the truth more. This is a bit of a conundrum. We like truth telling (morally important) but we all lie and prefer our truths told subtlety or politely (increases your popularity) and a ‘blunt liar’ telling a bare-faced lie is also considered poorly.

If we adopt an open, supportive and non-stigmatising culture at work with flexibility at the core, we might expect less lying because there is no need to lie. If we have clear articulated expectations at work backed by clear processes, we may have less need to lie too. If you want to support colleagues to tell the truth when there is pressure to lie (short term reward of lying) give them time to answer and let them know that the truth can be supported. ‘I don’t want your response now but wondered whether you can give account of your actions tomorrow? I just want all of us to be able to understand what happened so we can manage this situation for the customer’. Of course, sincerity and honesty starts at the top. If you can’t support people, be honest or describe processes that will drive your behaviour.

Most of all, lying, particularly high stakes lying is very stressful and bad for our mental health. We can feel bad about ourselves, worry incessantly about being caught out but the high costs of our deception being revealed, can sustain the behaviour. Get to know the times when you are likely to lie and understand why. Are you happy to tell lies in those circumstances or do you want to change? Can you integrate this part of your self with who you want to be? There are strategies to substitute this behaviour for another preferred one that can help you achieve longer term relational goals without deceiving anyone and yourself.

References

Abeler, J., Nosenzo, D., and Raymond, C. (2019). Preferences for truth-telling. Econometrica 87, 1115–1153.

Ackerman, R. A., Witt, E. A., Donnellan, M. B., Trzesniewski, K. H., Robins, R. W., and Kashy, D. A. (2011). What does the narcissistic personality inventory really measure? Assessment 18, 67–87. doi: 10.1177/1073191110382845

Brimbal L & Crossman A.M  (2022) Inconvenient truth-tellers: Perceptions of children’s blunt honesty, Journal of Moral Education, DOI: 10.1080/03057240.2022.2109606

DePaulo Kashy (2020) Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, DePaulo and Deborah A. Kashy, Ph.D., of Texas A&M University,

Wissing, B. G., and Reinhard, M. A. (2019). The dark triad and deception perception maladaptive personality traits: accuracy, confidence and response bias in judgments of veracity. Front. Psychol. 10:1811. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01811

Zvi, L., and Elaad, E. (2018). Correlates of narcissism, self-reported lies, and self-assessed abilities to tell and detect lies, tell truths, and believe others. J. Invest. Psychol. Offend. Profiling 15, 271–286. doi: 10.1002/jip.151