Nurture your impostor

Nurture your impostor

‘Impostor syndrome, also known as impostor phenomenon in which people doubt their skills, talents, or accomplishments and have a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as frauds. Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon do not believe they deserve their success or luck.’

So let’s debunk some of this. It’s not a proper syndrome. Rather it relates to feeling not quite good enough or deserving of the occasion or accomplishment. This applies to the attendance at the prestigious social gathering, the appointment to office, the invitation, the job, someone you admire wanting to be your friend or the compliment. Many people experience these feelings alongside an anxious feeling (which may also veer into excitement) in a situation when they feel they might fall short of their standards or others’ perceived standards. You might wonder whether ‘you are punching above your weight’. It’s not so much a phenomenon as a normal reaction to an external situation when we may be judged for our appearance, class, intellect, expertise, status or performance and when we are aware of the perceived requirements that will lead to a positive assessment of ourselves by others. We have learnt to behave in ways that meet those social requirements and expectations but we need to mobilise our anxious feelings to step into those behaviours and this may render us temporarily incongruent with how we see ourselves. We are not fraudsters but connecting with the emotions that can transition us into a slightly different set of behaviours to raise our game when we could be judged by others.

By harnessing our anxious feelings, we are moving out of our comfort zone into slightly different operating domains until they too become natural for us over time. We may choose to integrate newer core sets of behaviours into our sense of self. We evolve over a lifetime.

For some people, they find their fit with a family or a specific group of friends but we are all unique. The only fit we all really need for a reasonable life, is to be working towards being comfortable in our own skin, curious to our own story, open to explore our different contexts and be compassionate and kind to our selves and others when we notice flaws and foibles. When we are slightly anxious to deliver our best, we can work well, be humble to support and understand others’ needs more and most of all support others to learn to deliver expectations and requirements from situations because we understand that most knowledge and behaviours can be learnt and are not innate. Access to those knowledge and skillsets and opportunities represent the real obstacle in life. We should worry when the knowledge and behaviours we are adopting challenge our core values and beliefs. If you can ‘blag it’ and regret it later, it probably is not right for you. Nurture your impostor. It shows you are still learning and open to new situations and experiences.